Plan

I will still major in dance, and then I can chose to sing or to get on a team.

Dance & Singing

I want to get famous or get on a dance team or be a film actor, but I'm not sure what to do first.

I'm excited.

We're going to Disney tomorrow at 2 PM.  I won't be back until maybe 11, but I'm not sure.  It closes at 9.

Behind the Frige? Ew...

I think my dad left the toaster chord behind the refrigerator way in back.  We use vinegar and water as anti-germs, so I wiped it down with some of that.  It might make me paranoid, though.  I don't want to think of that each time I see it.

all done but still cold

My clean laundry feels good.  It's keeping me warm.

I'm taking a nice hot bath.

Thinness

I got fat from taking bad ballet, and I saw this one girl who was great who must have swum.  Well, I try to jog, but I might take off for winter.  After I clean I might try because my life will be smoother that way.  Some of it is taken care of, though, already.  I just did the laundry that was on the floor by my wire shelf for some clothes storage.

Bad Ballet

My ballet classes weren't challenging enough.  I should have taken it more seriously and forgot about piano or organ.  That's what I'm doing now.  I think I will feel better after doing dance and may start voice again, but I want to do these things while I'm young.  I wonder what I can do about an interest in voice anyway.  I feel like I have more potential to dance.  I only sang in choir and was told I had a beautiful soft voice.

Singing

I had fun in Talented Music when a very big lady came in and taught me singing.  She was the best of what I had.  She was going for her doctorate probably in performance in voice.  After another girl joined our class she stopped coming after a little while.  I should have quit Talented Music the following semester.

Feeling Better Playing Around

I was able to spin more with confidence and am doing my bridge and backbend to the couch.

I just told my dad and that I was still interested in singing and asked why I don't sing now.  I just said it's more fun with a teacher.  I like to get in on what they know, like which songs to sing and feedback on what to fix other than saying just beautiful.

So how do the dancers remember all that?

I guess like piano once you get a certain level practice will help you remember anything.  It looks like fun if you're ready for it.

I wish I knew about dance team.

They can do flips, but they don't do those pyramids.

I should have done cheerleading.

At the end of 3rd grade some girls stayed after school for cheer, but I felt funny.  I should have seen I could do no more baton because I just was too nervous about my head being hit. If I stayed in gymnastics I could have been a cheerleader.  Now I wanna do the dance major to get in shape.  Generally everyone is accepted or I can take the non-major classes instead until I make it.  I did ballet all along so feel fine.  The dance major consists of half ballet half modern.

Spectrum

I think I am not as bad feeling about my hair being dark.  I could try to get it lighter with that shampoo for blonde hair.  I just feel I like my black hair and that it sets a good background.  I just look whiter with dark hair, so I think it's like special.  It does have red and sometimes tan|gold tints.

Dancing and Singing

Hard dancing to remember takes a lot of training.

I will give up singing for dancing, but when I finish I can go back to singing.  I mean I'm doing a degree where I finish when I turn 26.  It's the associate degree, though.  I might move to UCF and do voice and try to get on the team or I can try out for cheerleading or take tumbling rather.

Calling people fat

Well, I don't want to call anyone heavyset like it's fat but not serious.  It depends on who you're talking to and like on the internet who is going to read it.  If you were having a personal conversation generally we would say that.  I just try to avoid all bad language.  I can say I want a fat baby but I don't mean a swollen one.

Well, nigger doesn't usually come up.

Please don't fight me and bring up things that shouldn't be.  I don't believe in a bad word just a bad way of using them or one with only a bad meaning.  Crap means poo.  Shit means trash.  Piss means mad.  Ass means butt.  Nigger is actually a defense, but most people use it as an offense.  Why can't people take the situation for what it is rather than thinking they're able to use it to make one's life worse.  It's good to get it out unless it's something you're not supposed to do.  Some people are so mean I don't want to see them use that.  I try to avoid contact in that respect.  Even if something as an off message comes up.  There are certain people who already act like a curse word to you all the time and think they're always right though they're always mean and sarcastic.  They would just be annoying to do so and it'd be too hard to bother fighting back because you know their game.  I don't want to be responsible for something I typed and deleted in a Micky Mouse environment.  I just consider I didn't really say that because I already don't mean anything bad.

So what on the need to curse.

Some people say don't do it, but they'll utter "crap" I'd imagine and curse a little more like I do when I'm kidding about something funny.  I don't accept people who attack me and leave off on things we're not supposed to repeat.  I was experiencing with the word "nigger," though some other people knew apparently.  I think that no one really cares, though.  There's nothing wrong with picking a word you like at all, especially if no one's looking and it's clear it's not going out of your way to call someone that.  No one really would have seen.  That's all.  Nothing big.  Just get it out and delete it and you're done.  You didn't want to, but things happen like that.  People seem to want to get on with life.  Sometimes, cursing is not bad.  It's so funny when English people curse.  They say "ass" and "piss" apparently from my experience.  It looks like no one cares about stopping them.  I don't like that that when people aren't as at the time more articulately awake in a way that no one cares if someone bad does something.  Also that doesn't fly is black people using "nigger" to say in front of people "sup nigger."

People should be scanned to see what they [can] provide.

If you keep looking at a picture and thinking about something, you will see into their destiny, their potential.  Just pick any person and try to do it in a way that makes sense.

I've seen some girls look like boys and some males look like females.  I used to want to be a boy when I was a kid.  I feel that I am totally female.  I don't have certain qualities that match a male, and I'm not another version of such in a way.  For instance I expect a boy to be very intelligent and experienced.  All I can expect from myself is to uphold myself as a female and my masculine side.  It's almost like being gay.  I think it is.  Some gays might seem more like lesbians.

Like, I'm actually just hesitant and used to being a ... attracted ... I forget.  I'm not used to seeing such boys that match my level of like how quick and awake and full of thoughts am I.

I just look like a girl.  Ever since I started reading about like Little House on the Prairie and American Girls I've been a certain way.  Before, I was a tomboy in gymnastics.  It just all made sense all of a sudden.  I think I have a good theme.  It's very Dutch-French since I have that in my blood.  In some ways it's German, which I have from a different side.  I connect with the mostly Irish, too.  The only thing I have more of is Chinese Indonesian because that's 50%.  I didn't know before I had English, but I do, a little on the French side with the Native American indian, too.

I don't feel at a loss with my race because not only do I just do what I like and think is really best but because it's more like thinking what if the 50% was Native American, but it's not.  It's really just white.  You've seen Asians before.  Some don't have a white side as far as how they are.  If it's further south, it's always considered more European, but there are places to meet in the middle.  I saw a tribes girl with white blonde hair in the middle of China and one with blue eyes.  It was on Wiki and I was gonna go get it.  I guess someone took it down.  They have Middle Easterns with blonde and redhead kids apparently, as well, and there's a slew of ones with blue eyes.  I saw one white blonde Chinese, but she looked very Mongoloid and what you'd call overly Asian looking.

Well, I'm done with the washing.

I just have a 3rd batch of clothes.  I think I will have a nice hamburger and maybe hot dog.  I tried to eat to get thinner but now am concerned about me not being able to support myself, so want to eat to fix my posture and work out to keep trim.  I so need to clean, too, but it looks like I'll get a nice rest and fun at Disney tomorrow.  I have ready some sweatpants, sweatshirt, and underneath another long sleeved shirt.  We're going to Epcot and maybe the Magic Kingdom.

Parents and Aunt in Dance

At an old ballet school, my parents did ballroom dancing.  My aunt took ballet at a good school where she lived.  She just went in with the kids, whereas I tried the adult classes.  That must have been fun, though.  I did go with kids before.  I'm excited about the half modern whatever it is.  I'm open to anything professional like that.

Age of Dancers

They seemed about the same age if not older, but I assume I am still the oldest.  I don't think the people at the tryouts last time were all as young as 18.  I walked out of the tryouts at a bad time because my shoes were getting too tight.  I'll have to order some new ones for next time.

Practice

My bridges were doing good, but it looks like I need to practice again.  I feel like I got heavier since.  I think that if I don't get on a team it's because I'm getting older, but at least it will bring me personal satisfaction.

Dream

I was in a gymnastics place that had enough stuff for me to do, but I was waiting for some kids.  At college gymnastics we had to wait for the kids at first.  I quit it because it took so long to travel and we didn't even get much.  When I finish cleaning I might go back more to doing bridges again.  My weight is the main issue.  I'm not very fat yet not thin enough to do this.  I wish I found something transitional, like I want to do the dance major.  I think I will do the dancing.  I can sing on my own for now.

I'm going to take another hot bath.

I just have to wait for the laundry.  It bubbles up the toilet, sink, and tub if you do both together.

I so need to clean.  Suddenly I have papers taking advantage of the table for so long.  I sorted out some of my notecards, as well.  I might wait to clean until I feel more relaxed.  If my stuff is clean, I might get on a better schedule and sometime work out again.  I am not sure if I will wait until February or late January.  It's just so cold here in Orlando.

I'm so glad my hair has grown back and I don't want to cut it.  I might cut it to even it out.  I have bangs growing in that I didn't like.  I might like them with long hair, but I don't know.  No bangs is just so easy.  I can clip them back, as well.  In several months, it will go into a ponytail.  They are already to my ears.

Tim Burton and Jonny Depp's Movies

I want to reorder them again.  They bring back to me memories of when I was younger.  I've watched them several times.  Life to me was okay, but now we live under the fear of murder and weapons of mass destruction.  It's not enough to lay down one's life as a soldier.  To me sacrifice is never okay.  I can see someone very old dying, but it's still sad if they have a hard life and are not anciently old like they stuck in through.  Most people are attached to their parents even in midlife and as seniors.  It depends on if you were the first child or a later child.

Things just seem so different.

I like Tim Burton because he reminds me of an art teacher.  I've never seen a director hardly like him, but maybe the teacher who reminds me of him as a person.  I like Johnny Depp because we're both from Florida and where he lived, and I just connect to him as someone popular from the area.  For instance, since we mostly all know Julie Andrews, we all feel the same thing about her and her movies that were famous, Mary Poppins and if you've seen The Sound of Music from a ways back.  Also interesting is if you know she played My Fair Lady on stage for such a long time.  She did some other things, like Cinderella.  It was broadcast and she did it made special for her I think it 2 weeks taking off doing My Fair Lady.